Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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