I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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