Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
