when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize