All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
