my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize