I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize