dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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