the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
