I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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