dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well you can't waste a boner
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
