Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
