Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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