im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i love accidental penises.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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