I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
