Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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