the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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