Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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