i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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