My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
