I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
