last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
