I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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