ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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