I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
