Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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