I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk is not a location!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
