I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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