Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize