It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
