so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
