i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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