doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize