I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
