did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
