the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
