You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
