I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We got so high we made milksteak
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
