med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
