Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize