i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
