I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
