Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
