I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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