Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
