Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize