erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
