and next time when you feel me up, do it right
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
