ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
