I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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