I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
