didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize