At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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