Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
