i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize