Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
