i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
