Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize