U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
