so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
