you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
