I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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