Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
