yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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