nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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