laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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