I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
