I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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