I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
