Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
