is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize