if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
