I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
