A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
