Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my poor anus
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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