How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm both gender and math confused
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize