If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
