that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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