laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
