Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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