My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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