1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
