Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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