dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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