Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
