I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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