TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't turn off my feet"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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