so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
