I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
