yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
