weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
