my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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