He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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