I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
