You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize