god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
