isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
