if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
