no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
