And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
...so i touched it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
