theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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