I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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