I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
