So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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