and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
